Zen and Let it Go

The past week/month have resembled Chutes and Ladders a bit…climb up the ladder, work on good habits, work on focus, tippy toe out of my comfort zone, then Whoosh! Down the chute of a hospital visit or a weeklong headache or chaos I have to wade through but can’t alleviate.  I am not sure why this surprises me—I think it’s just that some days life feels like The Most Endless Game of Chutes and Ladders EVER (anyone who has ever played this game with a three year old knows what I mean…and unlike Candyland, you can’t really “help” the spinner avoid that last giant slide right before the finish. There is no Queen Frostine card that can magically get placed at the top of the deck…not that I have ever done that. *cough).

Slogging through some of my resolutions (side note, this January feels pretty endless), I am confronted again by the reality of how much of my mental energy is spent summoning the will to climb the ladders, and finding the peace to not wail in despair while I’m going down a chute AGAIN. Reframing in gratitude helps. Yoga helps. Even gentle yoga during the weeklong headache helped.  Keeping up with the simple habits (morning devotional, etc.) helps when the bigger stuff seems hard.

I am also realizing more and more how much of life is not just made up of metaphorical Chutes and Ladders, but how much of everything is a push/pull, a back/forth, opposite moments that both work together and pull against each other. I know I have to be braver about certain things, like being by people (still trying), or taking opportunities that come (writing work, check), or trying to conquer fears (booked a flight, like on an ACTUAL AIRPLANE, CHECK). I also know that sometimes being brave or taking care of my brain means pulling BACK from things—saying “ok” and walking away from chaos, avoiding certain situations, working to not care more about things I cannot fix than the people who are generating the issue care.  I am not very good at this yet, and that lack of skill creates a lot of frustration.

I need to go forth and get things done, while stepping back/away from other things.

This challenges me. 

For every flight I book (ok, one flight, and we’ll see if I survive—and if I don’t—for the record—no regrets. If it’s my time it’s my time, regardless of my altitude, you can’t avoid when it’s your time—that is how I made peace with this. Ok, and I bought some of my sister’s art on a backpack on Society6 as a reward), I have to get better at finding ways to step back from things without feeling bad/angry/frustrated about my inability to fix things or make things right.  I’ve gotten better at walking away—I just need to fix my response once I do—I need to figure out how to go all Elsa on that stuff (LET IT GO, LET IT GOOOOOOO!).

But just like a three year old who DOES NOT WANT TO LET GO OF THEIR SPOT ON THE TOP ROW OF CHUTES AND LADDERS, I haven’t figured this one out yet. How do you let things go? My husband can just do it. His brain just sends things on their merry way, while mine cooks up stress stew. THIS is one of my challenges for the New Year—to channel that frustration into more acts of kindness, or zen, or productivity.  I know I have to learn to BE more effectively, but for now…maybe I can use action to help let things go.

And yes, I am thinking this out as I type it. I am tired of being frustrated. And I am determined to get a blog done today—so thanks for thinking through this with me. If you have any insights on HOW you let things go, how do you shed frustration/walk away from situations that cause you mental ugh (and that you cannot remedy)—please comment below. I am crowd-brainstorming solutions here.

And now I have kind of an odd desire to play Chutes and Ladders…

(if anyone is interested in how I am bribing myself to overcome my deep seated and long held phobia of flying, check out Anne Appert Illustration on Society6 Roses by Anne Appert --the backpacks are the right size for the under the seat item on JetBlue. :) --and there are sales all the time, I had a really good coupon for this. I maybe also got a small flying pig tote because a pig flying is about as likely as ME flying, so... yes.  When Pigs Fly by Anne Appert)