New Year, New Resolve

Happy 2018!

So one of my resolutions for the New Year is….drum roll…

To actually blog 2 times a week like I intended to.

Hm.

I realized I had to address one timing issue (I can’t do my lesson planning for the week on Monday AND blog), and I needed to get determined and just write. Game face on! Carpe all them diems and all that! Go For It!

And then our home became The House of Contagion, starting on Christmas Eve, extending through the entirety of Christmas week, finally easing on New Year’s Day…at which point a different child took the baton of contagion and ran with it—

--In the process, unfortunately running right out of the possibility of making it to today’s 6 month MRI and neuro-oncology appointment in Philadelphia.

After an hour or two of freak out over not knowing what to do, and about 8 phone calls, we received the official radiological word that We Shall Not Scan today.

Instead, we went to the pediatrician to rule out flu, and then spent hours trying to reschedule all of today’s appointments …twice (don’t ask).

And in all of this, I really tried to zen. Ish. Well, depending on the moment. Not going to lie, I did have 20 minutes of lying on my living room rug. Yerp. But I know that in 13.5 years we have never had to reschedule an MRI due to illness. We are so lucky to be able to deal with regular kid sick and not some of the other really awful things we’ve faced in Decembers/Januaries gone by.

Still—blogging about zen seemed a little disingenuous today.

When things get all wonky, out of my control, I get totally thrown off my game.  Order helps me remain calm—and the complete upset of this day for which I had mentally prepared for weeks (and I packed a Just In Case Bag and chose a book to read)…well, that had me completely discombobulated.  In some ways it was a bit of a reminder as to why I struggled so much when my daughter was on treatment and more days were like this than not.  My brain gets rattled with all the logistics and questions and temperature taking and bedding washing and such. Focus is hard, even with taking a few minutes to ride the stationary bike and do a New Year’s yoga routine. I wonder as I wander…actually. Wondering and wandering happen.

So I guess today is really a question for all of you—what the heck do you do when your day spirals so far off course you are left in the middle of your kitchen yelling “you are killing me, Smalls!” at the hold music that repeats and repeats and repeats relentlessly? How do you focus/stay on track/regroup?

I am realizing this is something I really, REALLY need to work on this year. Life is just too unpredictable to NOT work on this. So—any ideas? How do you keep things together when nothing is holding together? How do you keep the herd of kittens of life all heading in the same direction?

Peace & purell to you all—and hey, this isn’t pretty, but the Tuesday blog happened. Win!