Zen and the Spotlight

“Turn up that spotlight, and though it’s not right, 

I simply can’t refuse its call….” –Nunsense

I cannot control all of the horrible things in the news. Wars. Poverty. Hatred. Exploitation. Racism. Sexism. Discrimination. Hunger. Disease. Hopelessness.

I cannot control the political and ideological quagmire sucking the lifeblood of our country. 

I cannot control people’s ideas, or behavior, or words.  Heck, parenting toddlers to teens taught me that (and really, the infant/adult versions of my progeny also taught me that!).

For a control freak like me, the litany of cannot controls whomps my brain, ramps up my anxiety, depresses my spirit. I feel like my friend’s cat who sleeps faceplanted into the ground. I feel you, Frankie.

Creative Napping credit: Frankie.  Photo credit Christine Dalessio

Meh. 

Saturday I reached my limit—again.  Maybe it is time to swear off all social media again, to stay offline except to check my email and what the Daily Markdown is on the LL Bean website. Maybe I just need to step away from all the noise and outrage (much of it justified!) and frenzied reactions and awfulness and go old school—like returning to the beta version of my life. 

But—

My far off babies are all online (ie my nieces and nephews who are piles of cuteness and love and bub-ness that are all that is good in the world). 

So many of my friends in the brain tumor and NF communities are in the thick of things right now, and social media is how they keep all of us who are pulling for them updated on things.

I only know about faceplanting Frankie because of social media. Solidarity, Frankie!

Slay the paper, then faceplant nap.

Photo credit Christine Dalessio

These are all good, meaningful uses of social media.

So—I don’t think a complete fast is actually going to solve the problem. My brain will just find different things to worry about.

Anxious and discouraged, I left my computer on Saturday to go to church ahead of a predicted storm. In the car I used yoga breathing practices to try and calm down, I felt that bad. And then at Mass, a couple renewed their wedding vows in honor of their 50^th wedding anniversary. 50 years of fidelity. 50 years of struggling through the reality of life together. The short, moving celebration of this goodness moved me deeply.  Despite the ugly outside the doors of our church, in this moment we celebrated good.

This was a sea change moment for me.

I cannot control the ugliness. But I can control what I focus on. I can control what I give my attention to, what I put a spotlight on. 

I can magnify the good.

This is my new mantra, my new practice of being—I want to be a magnifier of good.

I can put a spotlight on how pink the sky is when I walk Coco in the morning. I can spotlight the service projects my kid does, the Eagle Scout project my friend’s son is doing to benefit the hospital where he was treated  (which I learned about on Facebook),  the great grilled salmon I had at a restaurant in town. I can spotlight the things I am grateful for, the things that give me joy, the funny song or commercial that made me laugh.

I can magnify the good. 

yup, went Extra Large on this one. 

Magnifying the good does not ignore or invalidate the bad. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I have NEVER been accused of being a Susie Sunshine, all rainbows and lollipops and unicorns.  Not once. Never.  Hm. The bad is out there. WE ALL KNOW IT. The bad draws the spotlight to itself. The bad grows with attention. The bad festers and expands the more we feed it with “shares” and comments and focus and hyper-analysis.  

Zen means knowing how to acknowledge the bad while living the good. The bad does not get to win the day.

I simply choose not to magnify the bad any more by giving it attention it does not deserve.  I choose not to let the darkness grow in my mind unchecked. I choose not to wallow in that which I cannot control.

I choose to obey my own self-set rule and NEVER READ THE COMMENTS. Ugh. Failing on that this weekend; seeing people of my faith tradition referred to as “demonics” reminded me why NEVER READING THE COMMENTS is always a healthier choice. And this NOT reading is something I can control. 

I can stay informed without reading 50 articles about something. I can know what is going on and address what I can address without being consumed by the angst of a darkness I cannot control.

The darkness is large, and growing.  That is no newsflash.

I know that I cannot ignore it. Nor can I singlehandedly say “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” ala Gandalf to the Balrog.

BUT—I can magnify the lights amidst the darkness by how I talk to my children and spouse, what I write, how I post things online (and NOT in reverse order! Real life first!). One magnified light can literally burn a hole in things. What if we all tried to magnify the good instead of feeding the bad with obsessive attention? What kind of holes could we burn in the advancing darkness? Maybe enough to take the darkness down, together? 

So today—I choose to magnify the good. 

I am going to have to break some of my own habits. But it can be done. And when I find myself spiraling down a rabbit hole of EVERYTHING IS AWFUL (yes, sung like the Lego Movie song), I have to practice stopping, regrouping, getting back on the Magnify Good track...and keep movin' right along.

If you would like to support Davis Ammari’s Eagle Scout project, please check out the flyer below—and magnify the good this survivor kid is doing for others.  He is also accepting monetary donations--even $5 can really help make things less ugh for teens battling cancer. It is hard to be a teen onco patient when most support services are very much geared towards younger children. Thanks for doing this good thing, Davis!