Zen and the Little Picture

So I sat down to write this last Friday (I worked outside the home on Thursday and was pretty much comatose by the time I finished that and then driving my girls hither and yon). I sat, made myself start to write (ye olde BIC method – Butt In Chair) and STILL the MEH won.  Ultimately, I think that was helpful, both because of what that reveals about my meager stores of mental energy and because the extra time helped me adjust the direction of this post to where I actually wanted it to go. 

I am not one to argue with Animaniacs; like I said last week, it is indeed a great big universe, and by pretty much any calculation we are pretty puny. I know that in the Big Picture of Life, most of the things that drive me to Cadbury consumption are no big deal. My chronically late teen (when I am chronically anxiety filled about not being early), the fact that I NEVER located my long lost car keys, the hours I spend sitting in traffic each day in my maternal chauffeuring gig….these are all irritating, but really, do they MATTER? Even the bigger things, the losses, the catastrophic illness and the shadow it perpetually casts, the employment questions and life direction choices and the things I hope for my kids…in the giant universal sense, they are just tiny little specks.

There is some zen in that, once I get past my tendency to nihilism, the old “life is useless, useless!” translation of Ecclesiastes from the Good News Bible I had when I was a kid.

Yes that sentence in its totality is kind of funny to me…Ecclesiastes was the PRECURSOR to the Good News part, obviously…. But really, the futility of things is in some ways good news, a justification for the old adage, “don’t sweat the small stuff”.

And yet at the very same time, the small stuff is so important. Small stuff is everything. Small stuff IS the big stuff. We live in the daily realities of small stuff. 

Small stuff, the little picture—there is so much zen in that, when I look for it, when I pursue it, when I participate in it, instead of just numbing my brain with Candy Crush and organizing sock drawers.  

When I walk my dog in the morning, the color of the sky or the sound of the birds and squirrels are just little parts of regular life; when I stop to look at a dew-covered spider web on my mom’s garden wall, or notice that a whole new kind of mushroom sprouted up in our yard—these little things are just that—little. But in these little things there is such awesomeness, such …zen.  Peace. Harmony. Nature’s teeny stuff is the natural foundation for the Big Picture, and noticing the little things brings joy.

So noticing small stuff helps. But really, it is in DOING the small stuff that I can get more zen-ish. That’s kind of ironic for me, because doing things often pushes me so far outside my anxiety-wrapped comfort zone, but I never regret doing the small things. This is something I have been thinking about a lot the last few days—and beyond.

I have to give myself the little push to keep doing the little things.

Yesterday’s Monday started once again all gray and chilly and draggily.  I literally felt like every step I took was uphill through molasses. I wrote a list in my bullet journal and …sort of looked at it. I had at least one moment midmorning where I debated getting back into bed (which I never, ever do. Ever. )—this was Uber Monday if ever there was one.

And then my dad brought over a UPS package from Williams Sonoma. I had a moment—oh crap, what did I accidentally order, I thought I had talked myself OUT of the Nordic Christmas Tree cake pan??—but then I realized it was a gift from a friend, little chocolate pens you can use to             WRITE IN COLORFUL CHOCOLATE ON OTHER SUGARY THINGS.

So maybe referring to this as a little thing is unfair, because “WRITE IN COLORFUL CHOCOLATE ON OTHER SUGARY THINGS!!!!”; but in the big picture of the universe, this little gesture of kindness, of connection, of hey, you are not just invisible! – that meant so much to my brain.  Did I suddenly get wildly productive? Nope. But I remembered that hey, today is draggily. Tomorrow will be better. And potentially chocolate filled. Maybe everything in the world does NOT rot. A little thoughtful mail did that.

And really, how hard are most little things? Sending a card, complimenting a cashier’s manicure (the Costco ladies always have amazing nails), folding my teen’s laundry for her because she is so woefully behind on all the things…these little things build the big things. These little things are the connections that serve as the foundation of the big things. And yet still, I so often have to push myself to actually DO them.

In recent months so many of my friends have endured extremely difficult medical situations.  Observing the collective power of a thousand little kindnesses--$5 to a GoFundMe, or a t-shirt fundraiser, or prayers offered when material support is impossible, or a random act of muffins –observing these gives me peace. When so much of our society is a mess and a half—people still do the little things that keep us all connected and remind us yet again of our shared humanity—Big Picture stuff.  Observing all this inspires me to Do the Thing, even when—or maybe ESPECIALLY if it is a little thing.

A few years ago, the Children’s Hospital we spend a lot of time at put in a ten million dollar garden area. Yes. Ten. Million. That is a lot of dollars, and a lot of garden. The space is beautiful. I don’t have ten million dollars (gosh, sorry, should have warned you all to sit down before I laid THAT fact on you). I only have the little things—flowers in my garden, or a few bucks to get a bouquet at ShopRite for a friend. I can make muffins or a loaf or something—doing the little things can have a real, significant impact, and remembering that helps me navigate the ughs of everyday life.

Never think a little thing can’t make an impact. Today being the voter registration deadline in NJ, I am reminded, NEVER think one vote can’t make an impact.  Never think that card, or kind word, or cup of coffee for the person behind you in the drive through, or $5 to a GoFundMe don’t all make a difference.  We have to practice awesome in the little things, it is the only way to live the best lives we can live.

So—let’s do the little things, and the Big Picture will take care of itself.

Now I have to ponder if I have time to make some sort of sugary canvas for some choco-pen art….