Baby Steps

So, I have returned.

Thank you to all who were so encouraging last week about my return to wordsplosionness. I do appreciate it more than you know. Seriously. Thank you.

And I have learned, in the last week, that as soon as you decide to Let Go of the things that bring you to constant yikes, those things SWARM like locusts upon thy house.  We had locusts in Jersey this summer. Nasty, nasty, nasty. Thank God our house is in a former corn field, 17 years ago there were few trees here for locusts…but we know by the end of the locust fest they did find our yard.

Note to self, move from this location before 2030.

Anyway, yes. I have been trying and trying to keep SAYING my non-resolution resolutions, just to remind me (and sadly, anyone within earshot) what I am trying to do. Be creative. Be with the people I love. Don’t get sucked into stupid. Breathe. Appreciate each moment.

So this has been a week of baby steps, and not just because it was super icy and walking the dog was somewhat like waterskiing.

But I have had a few little moments, and in an attempt to not just sink back under the swampy whatnot, here they are.

I have run just over 6 miles this year! Yay! And it’s still January!

(ahem. Normally I can’t say that until June. ;)  )  I know that whatever I decide in terms of running this year, whether I go for ½ marathon #4 or not, I will be WAY more peaceful about it if I try to keep up at least a 5k a week. I won’t have that despairing feeling of “aaaagh, I need to start again!”.  If I can keep up 3-6 miles a week, when I have to start adding distance in the late spring /early summer it will still stink (realities, people), BUT I will have eliminated the first and extremely daunting mental hurdle.

I tried a new recipe last night, a breaded pork chops with a creamy sauce that I found on All Recipes and tweaked for my family’s taste (ie no cream of mushroom soup) .

 I think my spouse may have licked the casserole dish clean when I wasn’t looking (because he knows I rebuke him if I catch him doing that). My picky girls liked it. The teen son inhaled some and went back to Xbox, I figure that means he liked it. Even the dog liked the speck we gave her, but she eats poop, so her vote doesn’t really count. But this one was a tasty little moment, and I felt good about taking the few minutes to look up something new.

  I signed up for Pinterest.

I know, how could I NOT have already done this? I guess I was intimidated by my impressions of Martha Stewart-esque creativity I can’t even get organized enough to look at, let alone replicate. And I know  myself too well, adding a way to waste more time is likely not a good idea for me. BUT I am thinking that if we avoid disaster in the next few months (truth alert: kind of terrified about the next few months) we will have a Big Birthday To Celebrate here, a Big Birthday that falls a month before a Big Survivorship Date.  I am afraid to even speak that, I know how quickly things can change. But I am trying not to live in the fear that is our constant companion here, I am trying to hope. And in this case, hope means pinning pink animal print sparkle party ideas. Did you know you can just put festive duck tape over a water bottle label and then your party bucket of water bottles looks super festive??  J

In the same vein, I applied for an Icing Smiles cake for this Big Day. I was reluctant and afraid to do this, but then decided to just do it. Baby steps.

As a side note, I have always been very Sweet 16 is overrated, making an extravagant HoodlieHoo about it is just silly. But in onco land, EVERY FREAKING BIRTHDAY NEEDS AN EXTRAVAGANT HOODLIEHOO, and for whatever reason (maybe because Scan Days Cometh?) I am just embracing that this year in a different way.

I have made a few specific attempts to not plummet into crazy psycho lady at the drop of a hat.

Yeah, it isn’t all glowing cotton candy and sparkly DIY photo booths here. I am trying and trying to be more patient, to breathe before responding, to just let stupid go. I know some discussions are NOT helped by facts, so really, stepping away is just healthier. I know my G can’t help freaking out about schoolwork,  I just need to breathe and have her read the 9 pages of English textbook out loud so I can explain things to her as she goes along (thank God I teach US I, that’s really helpful for G’s American Lit class).  I am trying (try. ing. ) to stay peaceful with the more sluglike attributes of a college student on winter break in my house. (ok, WAY still working on that).

This morning we had an unexpected day off from school due to the ridiculous wind chill, and my girls came into my room (I saw zero reason to get out of bed early) and my G sat on the end of the bed, and R curled up beside me so she could reach the dog curled up by my leg (no. we do not let our dog on the bed. Never. Um, nope. Not at all. *from Chapter 3 of Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen for this Furball). I realized how pretty G looked in her pink pjs (the child can wear ANY color), and how lucky I was to have such a sweetie as my R who wants to come curl up by mom still… 

It is a work, being positive. But geez, the dividends are pretty awesome.

 

And p.s. wrote a blog entry (however anemic) within a month of the first “hey I am going to blog again” entry. Win! ;)