Kindness--an Idea Worth Trying

 "Ideas have Consequences"

This hangs in my classroom, this phrase, on cardstock, laminated. Recently, the news in the world and in my own smaller personal sphere shows an awful lot of terrible ideas having consequences that people just don’t think about—or somehow rationalize away. Violence, injustice, selfishness as ideas create suffering, sorrow, and struggle. Aka the evening news.

Here’s a new idea: be kind.

I know. Kind can be hard. We have real issues with people. But the idea of kindness put into action creates brilliant consequences. Kind is brave. Kind is thoughtful. Kind is fruitful.

Kind understands the big picture of things—like maybe no deity wants people killed while enjoying an evening pint, maybe he wants dialogue and work to make the world better, instead of brief acts of horrific violence that scar families and communities forever. Yelling “this is for fill-in-deity-of-choice” (as related in the news) seems like somebody got the idea of what said deity actually wants terribly wrong.

Kind understands that ideas have long term impact – if we treat our planet like it is indestructible, when science tells us otherwise (in small words we should be able to understand), we may end up reaping environmental death while we try to sow economic growth. At what cost prosperity—if indeed any path that ignores Earth’s warning signs can lead to real prosperity? Kind knows that we need to protect the earth for each other, especially for those in the developing world for whom the proffered economic growth is only a distant rumor, and for whom the consequences of environmental disaster are much more immediate and unavoidable.

Kind understands that unjust wages and disrespect of workers (defined many ways) are never truly  “business decisions”— Cutting wages or unjust downsizing impacts families, causes real hardship and pain, and does nothing to benefit the greater good.  Working together to solve problems (even “business” problems) fosters greater long term positive productivity and even more meaningful solidarity.

Kind sees every person as worthy of respect. Every person—not just those who agree with us. Every person. This one is hard. Super Hard. As she who references her imaginary book, “Morons and Their Friends” rather a lot recently—this one is hard for me. Sigh. Kind is hard.  I am grateful for all the people who show me what it is to be kind. I have so much to learn from all of you.

Kind understands that people are legitimately (or irrationally, in my case) afraid of many, many things, and it is easier to be brave when your fears are addressed with kindness, not dismissal. 

Kind isn’t warm and fluffy and snooglyboogly all the time. Kind often requires taking a deep breath and listening…and HEARING what other people have to say. Kind can require a hard word of truth sometimes. Perpetuating cognitive dissonance or untruth is a great unkindness.

Imagine if for one day, everyone tried to be kind.

I know, it’s a stretch, but try.

Imagine one day where CNN and FOX had no bad news to cover (although that might be a full day of angst about what is happening with the news?? We have a panel of experts to discuss…). Where BBC could JUST cover soccer (sorry, football!). Where the local news talked only about “human interest” stories, because everyone took an entire day to be interested in other humans and the benefit of humanity at large. Imagine what that would LOOK LIKE. What that would sound like. What that would taste like. Kindness is prolific and morphs and grows the more it is spread. Imagine that day!

Egads.

That would be The Best Day Ever.             

A day of real kindness—the kind of kindness you see after a disaster, when people go above and beyond to help each other—or states and companies take initiative to protect the planet on their own—or people help workers network and find better jobs where they are respected after unjust “downsizing”—or people of different beliefs and traditions sit and eat a meal together and share their lives—or people reach out to the lonely and afraid and welcome them into conversation or even just smile at a person on the street.

What a day that would be.

I wish for one day, just one day, the world could give this idea a try.

I think the consequences would be amazing.

Anonymous Chocolate and Other Mysteries of Life

Your moms all said it at some point: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Generally, I suppose this is a good approach to life. But sometimes, there just ISN’T anything nice to say. Nothing. For days and days, not one nice word pops into your mind.

It’s been that kind of season here. I have an entire dictionary’s worth of NOT nice words floating about in my head. But as mom/wife/sister/daughter/friend, silence isn’t often an option. And when I do start talking, the unprintable torrent can
easily spiral out of control.

Likewise, I don’t expect anyone to come up with Hallmark-esque cheerfulness for me. Sometimes there just isn’t anything nice to say.

I am really, really trying to keep this from becoming a blog about our pet Elephant, the one that stays in our living room and takes away all our nice things to say. But he has a compelling way of getting into all of my business. And when he shows up, all other little things tend to go wrong, which does not help my vocabulary.

Since I have nothing nice to say, I tend to hide, and type, and wander around my house, thinking unspeakable things about that blasted Elephant in his ill fitting muumuu, sitting on my couch and leaving crumbs Everywhere. I know people find the Elephant disturbing, some find the Elephant super confusing, people who know my family well find the Elephant very upsetting. Heck, I think a few folks I know like to ignore the Elephant. I wish I could. Instead I hide, and hope that things will work themselves out.

For the record, for everyone who ever has a friend with an Elephant: we know there isn’t anything to say to make it better, there isn’t any good word that will take the Elephant away…that’s ok. We appreciate any kind word, any little word that lets us know you care. If you can’t talk about the Elephant, that’s ok. We understand. Just being a friend is good enough.

I deeply appreciate the friends and family who shop with me, or drag me out of my house (even as the Elephant is yelling after me), or just talk to me about zucchini. Really. It’s enough.

And then, sometimes, there is a brilliant mysterious moment…

Enter Anonymous Chocolate.

The box arrived with no return label. It was big, and it contained a Styrofoam cooler. I was intrigued. I have kind of a problem with internet shopping (oh, Amazon, my downfall!), but I have managed recently to mostly limit my purchases to books and supplies for school. Certainly uniform polo shirts would NOT come in a cooler.

With a squeak the lid released from the bottom…and there was the Biggest Hershey Kiss I ever saw, full of little Hershey Kisses…next to the biggest Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups I ever saw.

Yes, there was almost an angelic “aaaaaaaaah” in my kitchen.

I lifted up the ice packs, squeaked the rest of the cooler out of the box…there was NO paper, no invoice, no record of who sent this pile o’ joy in a box.

I looked around, as if someone would pop out from behind a door and say “ta da! Surprise!”…but of course no one did.

After a suitable few minutes of almost unspeakable awe, I turned to that bastion of information and networking, Facebook…while folks “liked” my status, nobody ‘fessed up to sending this delight.

My daughters came home from Grandma’s and were instantly agog. My older girl kept trying to figure out WHO could have sent the box.

Finally I had to explain that Someone wanted to do something sweet (!) and kind for us WITHOUT letting us know. We just had to accept the joy and love this Anonymous Chocolate represented, and say a little prayer for whoever sent it to us.

Anonymous Chocolate is a rare delight. The very rarity of it makes it even MORE delightful. There’s something kind of unnerving about it, but in a happy kind of way. Not only was this chocolate anonymous, it was GIGANTIC.

I have to admit, we haven’t eaten it yet. It is sitting majestically on our kitchen counter, a testament to someone who maybe didn’t have anything nice to say either, but used the universal language of a hidden act of kindness to express love.

Thank you, Anonymous Chocolate sender. That chocolate is so big it does sometimes obscure the Elephant…or at least lets us know that whatever happens, we are not alone in this season.

And that is something nice to say after all.