Do the Thing!

Happy September, all.

So apparently I should never try to re-post my old blogs about our family’s brain tumor experiences, this year I shut down after the first day. Urp. And now I am back to September, a month turned Gold for Childhood Cancer Awareness—also the month Genna began her brain tumor battle 14 years ago. The battle language works for our family, so I use it, because dang, it was a fight.  And 14 years is a long, long time.

Moving Right Along…This has been the year of Do the Thing for me, whatever “the thing” seems to be. In our ongoing medical respite—5 years off chemo, 2 years since any major medical yikes for my kids --knock on all the things in the universe—I have finally had the space to try and fix all the broken parts of me, our family, etc. This is kind of a full time job, really. Grateful for the space to tackle the work.

Back in the day I had a Toyota Corolla I affectionately named Clyde. I loved Clyde. He was 10 years old when I got him, one radio station worked, he had holes all over, and I loved him. I quickly learned the power of Rustoleum and duct tape to hold him together. Clyde got me where I needed to go all through college…but eventually the starter went, and no amount of Rustoleum could fix THAT. Alas. My next car was a hatchback a neighbor sold me for a dollar, the hatch had to be propped open with an umbrella or it would fall on your head. I did not name or love that car, as grateful as I was to have it.

Anyway, for the last 14 years (and probably beyond, if I am being honest), I have been Rustoleuming and duct taping things in life that really needed to be repaired, not just patched. But priorities are what they are (ie getting kid/family through devastating medical diagnosis), so I chugged painfully along.

I am done chugging painfully along.

That sounds much more defiant than it feels on this headachy kind of day, but that feeling has driven my year of Do the Thing. I have to make myself Do the Things…and often after Doing the Thing I go right to Lie on the Floor, but the Things Are Getting Done come hell or high water or both.

So here is my litany of the things I am doing. A lot of these things are completely no big deal for most people…for me, they take a lot of energy, and I have to list them so I can see my own progress. I love me a good list. Also, I can use this list as a “hey, see, I didn’t have TIME to write!” excuse (lies, I just didn’t have mental energy, but ok).  I list all the things all the time to help my brain (Zen And the Art of Lists!) , so…here is my Do the Thing list so far:

I flew on a plane – 2 separate trips.  Folks who know me were probably looking for the riders of the apocalypse after flight one…by flight two they KNEW the end was near, or an ice rink had just opened in Hell.

what one does during take off when one forgets one's phone with calming music at home.

I lobbied Congress. Like, actual Congresspeople. With lots of mighty mommas I never met. I am not sure which was more daunting, all the peopling I did without totally freaking out or talking quasi-coherently to political peoples about why the work of St. Baldricks and the STAR Act are so critical for kids like my G.  Peopling is still hard.

I did a high ropes course with my 16 year old who preferred adventure to party for her birthday. I got through the scary bridges with slats 3 feet apart/30 feet off the ground by singing I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar out loud and doing them as fast as I could. Grateful for yoga practice that helped me stretch through that both mentally and physically. 

Probably singing in terror. 

In that vein, I have committed to (and maintained) a regular yoga practice, usually 5-7 days a week, sometimes for only 10 minutes, but I know I have to make myself stop, breathe, refocus, Do the Thing.

I quit my job.  This was a hard thing, one I struggled over for the last 2 years, really—I care so much about my students and what is best for them, I just could no longer effectively do what was best for them. It was absolutely 10 billion percent the right thing—for reasons I cannot really go into here, reasons I am still debating if I need to speak in truth to “power” or just let the reasons go into the sky and move freely into the future full of hope God has for me.  Not sure which Thing to Do, but I am confident the path will become clear—and I will Do the Thing.

I signed up to be a substitute at another school, sent out resumes (ok, to that school—I know where I would love to teach!), and I took a class with other teachers so I can, if ever the path opens, teach an Advanced Placement US History course. Doing this scary thing reminded me how much I do love teaching. Teaching history, especially in this time, is such a heavy responsibility and a privilege, and I hope that path opens to me again someday. 

I climbed the rock wall at Camp Sunshine.  There is a theme here, isn’t there?  I am no longer being bound by all the things I have always thought I could not do—especially those involving altitude. Do the Thing.

I visited people! This was a goal for the year! (I know this sounds crazy, but peopling is hard. Making myself go people is hard, even when I am super glad every single time that I did. So yay!).

I spoke up about something (in person, not online)  that I have long found inappropriate and offensive. I was not heard—at all.  In fact, I was later attacked for what I expressed.  I entered the arena and got whomped. I am way not confrontational. I hate any kind of confrontation, it gives me massive anxiety and I ruminate over every word. But I spoke my truth and experience, and taught my daughter (who was with me) something about navigating the world in a way that is brave, even when it does not feel good and you don’t achieve understanding.

In a much more fun thing, I signed up for a circus class. Ok, so again, folks who know me in real life are like really? YOU need a class for that? You are like a walking circus. Settle down, folks. I want to learn to stand on my hands. I want to be able to go upside down and NOT fall on my head. Why? Why not??! I want to be strong and mighty and Do the Thing. I am not sure if the scarier part is the physical challenge or that I’ll be sharing the class with folks like my R, who is almost as comfortable upside down as right side up…but I am excited to Do the Thing and stretch beyond myself.

Things I will NOT be doing at circus (upside down kid in front is my third born). 

You can join the circus, too! Come on! :) 

This September is a season of new beginnings—the first time I have no classroom or lessons to prepare—the first time I will be grading grown-ups (in an online graduate course I am facilitating)—the first time my schedule will have this freeform kind of shape. What does Do the Thing look like now? I am still figuring that out. But the momentum of these little things done over the last year or so will help me find that path. I plan to read every day (right now working through Brene Brown on audiobook and Thomas Merton on paper and a couple of other books in random places including Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States). I plan to write again (no more months long shutdown!). I plan to take time to be creative. I am not just hoping to Do the Thing—I am planning to Do the Thing.

Now that I finally got a blog written (this has been on my list for months) I may go lie on the floor before I go pick up my 16 year old from her first day of school. Zen and the art of Lying on the Floor might be my next topic…

Peace out, all—and may you have the oomph to Do whatever your Thing is today.