Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Little Pills That Wouldn't

The Little Pills that Wouldn’t

“…And the little pills said, “we cannot inhibit the kinases, not even one”, and they rolled to the bottom of the hill.

But the doctor said, “Little pills, the good little boys and girls on the other side of the mountain are waiting for good food to eat and toys to play with and extreme inhibition of their kinases, also some whomping of their vascular endothelial growth factor if you’ve got the time.”

And the little pills looked at the mountain. The little pills thought of those boys and girls waiting for multiple kinases to be inhibited. They thought of the growing blood vessels and the busy pathways. The pills pondered and thought and pondered and thought and finally said,

“Nope. We will dance the Macarena with the kinases and shower them with VEGF. They will be Kinases Gone Wild, and MTV will send us a contract for a show and the boys and girls will be famous for 15 minutes so they won’t care that big picture wild kinases and VEGF out the wazoo could be a serious problem. Booyah!” And they blasted over the mountain like they had little tiny jetpacks built into their smooth, round selves.

And that is the story of Sorafenib, the Little Pills that Wouldn’t”.


I cannot fathom why I never successfully broke into children’s book writing.

I know I said I wanted to post more…and then all the words got sucked away. Alas.

But from my cave of seclusion I have come to realize a few things. While I am literally scared unprintable-less by the recent turn of events, the need to be calm for my G has become pretty much the defining feature of our days. That said, here are 10 things that are true:

1. I kvetch about the Polyfill invasion, but a giant stuffed animal is instant gratification for a kid who just failed chemo #4. Giant animal with note linking it to a much loved teacher who passed away from a brain tumor years ago…major bonus points. She smiles…Win!

2. I almost don’t need to hide from humanity, if I go out in public I’m in such a fog I inadvertently walk by people without seeing them, truly without even realizing they are there. So if I did that to you and you did NOT call out “Hello!” to get my attention, forgive me…I wasn’t shunning you. I really didn’t see you. I need one of those “Iceberg! Dead Ahead!” guys. Although that didn’t work out super great either, right?

3. But if you come to our door or call my phone…I am hiding. I am sorry. Talking is hard. Typing, less so. Even if you are carrying 2 giant stuffed animals, one for G and one for her Super Sib. Hey, Super Sib is also a Super Door Answerer.

4. Unless of course you are comparing the merits of Dance Moms Miami vs. Dance Moms Pittsburgh. Puhleeze, the guys in Miami can do pirouettes. The Pittsburgh lady screams. End of discussion. And no, I never watched either of those shows. Ever. I am just guessing. Ahem.

5. To my hero kid, there is a silver lining to even the most craptastic of circumstances. Today’s observation, she realized she can wear heels now that her feet won’t be blistering from the Sorafenib. She added a loud “ALLELUIA!” to that statement. We began looking for silver graduation shoes in platypus sizes tonight. Can I get an amen?

6. Also realized maybe we better practice WALKING in said shoes if we actually buy them. Growing multi-focal tumors + visual impairment + the much longed for 3 inch heels may = ER.

7. When I am really stressed, I don’t eat chocolate. Chocolate is for the lower colors on the Homeland Security scale, like green, blue , and yellow. Once we hit orange, like we did last Thursday…even I can’t eat chocolate.

8. Yes, I had to go look that up, I only remembered the orange.

9. Eventually I get past that and make up for lost time. Did you KNOW Amazon sells a 4 pack of Cadbury mini-eggs for only $10?? A bargain!

10. Even though we are utterly, completely devastated right now, like ol’ Rodgers & Hammerstein pointed out, we’ll never walk alone. We are so grateful to everyone pulling for us right now, and we are so sorry this is causing you all such pain. Seriously, even as we’re getting the results, staring at the screen, both Himself and I are trying to figure out How the Heck Do We Break this to Everyone…

Here’s hoping that the next book in our series rots less than “Sorafenib, the Little Pills that Wouldn’t” …

It didn’t even have good illustrations…


  1. dearest K... willingly will I read most anything you write. Putting thoughts on cyber-paper helps not only you, but somehow all of us that are lovingly walking alongside you through the storm. Walk, we will....somedays crawl, but somedays we'll dance along with most any Muppet song you choose to sing. This morning we awoke to snow! Maybe I'll dig out the Muppet Christmas dvd..it's packed and ready for the VillageHome..2nd thought, today is too full, but I'll 'youtube- it'! Yes, that's the ticket! xxoo, d.

  2. #5- zappos.com lets you ship and return ship for free, #7 - we have every kind of booze that exists in the world except absinthe, so holler and a bottle will appear outside your locked door, #9 - you remember orange b/c our whole area hit orange by 2002, and Stayed There. Seriously - if it's Always Orange in the world, then doesn't orange just become the new green?