Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Truth Swims Out There

My husband rarely watches television.

So one night last week I was a little surprised to find him engrossed in a tv show. I was vaguely awake on the couch when I realized D was in the room, too, paying close attention to the screen.

“The USOs were about half a mile long, my compass was going CRAZY,” the military looking guy was saying.

“A USO??” I asked D. I used to have an unhealthy fixation with acronyms, so I had to work this out. “An Unidentified…Submerged Object??”

D didn’t know, and anyway he was busy listening to the gentlemen on screen were engaged in a very dramatic discussion about this mysterious (apparently government secret plottish type) object. I was right: it was an Unidentified Submerged Object.

In retrospect, hysterical laughter might NOT have been the appropriate response to the story unfolding onscreen. Maybe my stress last week WAS a tad high. But really, a USO? A giant thing cruising the oceans secretly at the behest of Shady Government Forces? It just amused me. A lot.

I’m as Mulder & Scully as the next gal. In some cases, I do think “The Truth is Out There”. But this…giant silver hot dog of the sea…I’m still chuckling about it.

The only thing that came across sillier than the premise was the cheerful paranoia of the “researchers” on screen. (“I want to just walk right up to the gate (of the military complex) and say, Show us the UFO!” the guy in the camo gear proclaimed…which got me laughing again…as did the guys getting nervous about the creepy military helicopters flying over. Over the military base. Yeah, creepy.).

D was not as amused as I was. The more amused I got, the less amused he became. Bwahahaha…

Then I started thinking about other shows that could be made around this same idea…

The UTO…”I had no CLUE what the thing was, but it looked pretty juicy, and I just couldn’t help myself; I had to take a BIG bite. WOW! That Unidentified Tasty Object rocked my taste buds!”

Or the UNO… “I swear, that thing had been there on the hammock for HOURS. There was some snoring, and the occasional grunt…I knew then that there was an Unidentified Napping Object in my yard…and I bet I know who’s behind this!”

Or one we often have in our house, the UGO…”it was nasty. Just nasty. Kind of sticky, and a funny color, and it smelled a little weird. No one will admit to spilling anything, nobody knows WHERE it came from…but this Unidentified Gross Object definitely needs to be dealt with”.

Any other unidentified objects in your world?

Looking at my own to-do list, and the state of my floors—way too many UGOs there!-- I better get this UPO (Unidentified Procrastinating Object) off the computer and back to work!

But keep your eyeballs peeled…you never KNOW what may be out there…

1 comment:

  1. WE have random UCOs where I work - though eventually someone is able to explain - that's a cassock, or a ciboriam, or... other Unidentified Catholic Objects...and of course - UTOs - usually the latest teen craze, of course...

    great column! keep writing!